Month: August 2024

Loneliness is a very personal emotion that can feel very overwhelming. Some people will experience loneliness when they’re on their own for a long period of time; when they haven’t been able to see family or friends. Others might feel lonely in a room full of people, when they feel like they can’t connect to anyone there. Someone might even feel lonely in their own relationship.

Feelings of loneliness can have a significant impact on your health and wellbeing. While it’s not considered to be a mental health problem on its own, chronic loneliness can be a symptom of one or increase the likelihood of developing one. In this blog, we’ll explore the psychological impact of loneliness and how it relates to other mental health conditions. We’ll also look at options for reducing those feelings of loneliness.

What causes loneliness?

Loneliness is a complicated emotion. It’s not necessarily about physically being alone, but instead when you feel like you’re missing strong social relationships. You might find that you enjoy your alone time; that it gives you a chance to recharge your social batteries. Rather, your feelings of loneliness arise because the strength of your relationships with family and friends might be lacking.

The causes of loneliness will be different from person to person. Certain life events have been shown to cause loneliness for some people, while others will find certain times of year are more difficult. You might notice feelings of loneliness:

• During Christmas time or over the holidays
• After a break up
• When starting at university
• When you’ve retired or changed jobs, and so you’re missing the social contact of your co-workers
• During a bereavement.

These events don’t have the same impact on everyone, but it’s useful to be aware that, if you’re going through any of these experiences, you might have feelings of loneliness or poor mental health.

There is also research to suggest that there are some people who are at an increased risk of experiencing loneliness. Those who don’t have close family ties or social support, who are carers, or who are unable to leave the house for social occasions due to a disability or their financial situation are often more at risk of feeling lonely. Minority groups are also more likely to experience loneliness, especially when there aren’t people of a similar background in your local area or that you interact with frequently.

The psychological impact of loneliness

Loneliness and mental health are often closely intertwined. Loneliness is often associated with an increased risk of a range of mood disorders such as depression and anxiety. In fact, loneliness and depression can involve many of the same feelings, which makes it hard to differentiate periods of loneliness from an overarching mood disorder. Both your mental and physical health can be impacted, with physical health symptoms including things such as:

• Brain fog
• Low energy
• Sleeping too much or not enough
• Changes to appetite.

However, the biggest difference between the two is that loneliness is often considered a “transient” state. Once you’re able to fulfil your social need in the way that works best for you, many of the feelings associated with loneliness will fade. If you’re struggling with depression, on the other hand, there is a different root cause that will need to be addressed with a mental health professional. Support and treatment from a GP or from mental health professionals through talking therapies is often the best course of action for mental health problems such as depression.

Impact of loneliness on mental health

Not only can loneliness increase the risk of mood disorders and mental health issues, but mental health struggles can also make feelings of loneliness worse. When you’re already struggling with conditions such as anxiety and depression, it can be hard to go and see friends and family, or go out for social occasions. Social anxiety, in particular, can make it difficult to socialise, which can mean less meaningful social contact and so contribute to feelings of loneliness.

This can lead to a cycle that’s hard to get out of. Feeling lonely can affect mental health, which in turn makes it hard to engage in meaningful social interactions and relationships and can lead to social isolation. Without these strong social relationships, feelings of loneliness creep in and the cycle begins again.

How to lessen the impact of loneliness

As loneliness is different for everyone, the things that will help us feel less lonely will also vary from person to person. Some of the ideas below might not resonate with you, or what you think you need. The important thing is to take it slow and only try things you feel comfortable with.

Meeting new people with a shared interest

Joining a fitness or art class is a great way to meet new people and build more meaningful relationships because it takes some of the pressure off the first meeting. You already know that you have something in common: the hobby that you’re sharing together. This means you’re more likely to experience satisfying social contact, which reduces feelings of loneliness.

Reach out to loved ones

If you’re finding that you’re feeling lonely even when surrounded by family and friends, it may be that you’re just not feeling close or connected to them. Opening up to one or two loved ones and strengthening your relationship with them will help you to feel closer to them and start to reduce your feelings of loneliness.

Opening up with talking therapies

Therapy can provide you with the space to talk about your relationships and feelings so that you can understand why you might be feeling lonely, and come up with strategies together to help you cope. Through talking therapies, you might identify a root cause, such as low self-esteem, that you can work on with your therapist to improve your overall mood.

Reducing the psychological impact of loneliness with Focus Therapy

If you’re struggling with feelings of loneliness and you’re looking for some professional support, Focus Therapy can help. Get in touch with us today by filling in the contact page on are website to discuss how talking therapies might be beneficial for understanding why you’re feeling lonely and giving you a safe space to share your thoughts.

Starting Therapy in Autumn

September marks the beginning of a new season, a time of transition and renewal. The summer holidays are coming to an end and the shorter days are looming ahead. For some, who’ve been entertaining the kids for the last six weeks, September couldn’t come quickly enough. For others, the darker evenings and colder weather are met with dread. Whichever camp you fall into, one powerful step you can take towards enhancing your mental wellbeing this autumn is starting therapy. In this blog post, we will explore five reasons that this time of year is the perfect time to start your journey of self-discovery.

Five reasons autumn is the perfect time to start your journey of self-discovery

1. It’s time for a fresh start

September marks the beginning of autumn, a season associated with change and renewal. Just as the trees shed old leaves to make way for new growth, therapy can help you let go of emotional burdens, cultivate self-awareness, and embrace personal growth.

As well as there being a renewed sense of purpose in the air, September is a time when our routines restabilise after the summer holidays, as the kids go back to school and work settles into a more predictable pattern, it can be much easier to schedule regular appointments at this time of year. Building therapy sessions into your schedule from the start of the academic year or the work calendar can help ensure consistency and commitment to the process.

2. Prepare for the Christmas Season

The holiday season can bring both joy and stress and by starting therapy in September, you can equip yourself with everything you need to navigate this year’s festive period. Christmas can trigger a range of emotions that aren’t always positive, such as loneliness, grief, anxiety, and stress, not to mention managing toxic or difficult family members during the festivities.

Therapy can help you to develop coping strategies, communication skills, and emotional tools to navigate family gatherings, financial pressures, and increased social interactions. Counselling provides a safe space to address and manage holiday-related stressors proactively.

3. School and Work Transitions

For students, September often means the start of a new academic year, or even starting at a new school or institution. For professionals, September often heralds the start or ramping up of projects at work. These transitions can trigger feelings of anxiety, overwhelm, or uncertainty.

One of the main reasons that these transitions are challenging is the loss of familiarity. In school and work environments, we build routines, relationships, and a sense of belonging. When transitioning, we may leave behind friends, colleagues, and daily routines that we were comfortable with.

Therapy can offer valuable support in managing these changes, building resilience, and fostering a positive mindset.

4. Beat the Seasonal Blues

With the arrival of autumn, some individuals experience seasonal affective disorder (SAD). SAD is a type of depression that occurs at a specific time of year, typically during autumn and winter due to reduced sunlight exposure. For those who have been suffering with SAD for a while, September can be a difficult month because, while the days aren’t yet that much shorter, there is a particular dread and fear of the coming winter months.

By beginning therapy in September, you can build a strong relationship with your therapist, develop coping strategies to manage mood changes, and help prevent the onset of depressive symptoms.

5. Time for Reflection and Goal Setting

As the year approaches the final quarter, you may find yourself reflecting on accomplishments, challenges, and aspirations. Starting therapy in September allows you to work with a therapist to set meaningful goals for personal development, relationship improvement, or tackling specific mental health concerns.

Having a supportive therapist during this process can provide guidance, accountability, and a structured plan for growth. Therapy offers a confidential and non-judgemental space to explore your thoughts, emotions, and ambitions freely. Your counsellor can help you to clarify your priorities, overcome emotional, mental, and even physical obstacles, and hold you accountable in a supportive and encouraging manner.

Next Steps

Starting therapy can feel very overwhelming and nerve-wracking. Here are some steps to consider as you embark on this journey.

First, take some time to reflect on your goals and reasons for seeking therapy. This will help to guide your conversations with potential therapists.

Next, it’s time to do some research. Explore what options are available to you in your area or online. Consider how each therapist works, which approaches they use, and whether that aligns with your preferences and your goals for the therapy.

Many therapists offer initial consultations, which is a great opportunity to ask questions, discuss any concerns, and assess whether you feel comfortable with the therapist.

Finally, it is important to set realistic expectations for yourself. Therapy is a process that takes time. Be patient with yourself and the progress you make.

Focus Therapy is offering sessions from our bright and airy rooms in High Barnet or even from the comfort of your own home nationwide online. Get in touch today to start your therapy journey or click on the appointment button on the website www.focustherapy.co.uk to find out about me and how we can work together via Focus Therapy.

What are the Effects of a Lack of Intimacy In a Relationship?

No relationship is plain sailing. It takes a joint commitment to make them work, but sometimes, butting heads isn’t the issue. As people get content in relationships, they get more comfortable and things can start to slide. Once you settle into a routine, it can be easy to forget to make time for each other. Whilst the honeymoon phase certainly doesn’t last forever, you need to make sure the intimacy you had in the beginning doesn’t wane.

If you’re busy with work, friends, and chores, there’s every chance that your intimacy levels could dwindle, perhaps even unknowingly. Some people are more intimate than others, but we all need love and affection, both mentally and physically. Without it, relationships struggle in more ways than one.

In this blog, we’re going to look at some of the effects a lack of intimacy can have on a relationship, and what can be done to help bring it back and keep the relationship on track.

What Counts as Intimacy?

Firstly, it’s important to note what intimacy is. Many people assume it’s just sex, but this isn’t the case. There are two types of intimacy:

Emotional intimacy

Emotional intimacy is when you are able to connect on a deeper level. When you and your partner both feel safe, secure, loved, and trust each other, this is when you know you have an emotional connection. It can take time to build emotional intimacy and it often comes from actions that convey feelings. Being emotionally intimate is often more challenging than being physically intimate because it involves building a foundation of trust.

Physical intimacy

Some people are more physically intimate than others, but it’s part of our nature to need physical reassurance through hugging, touching, kissing, and hand-holding. Sometimes, physical intimacy can form before emotional intimacy because at the start of a relationship, there is often a sexual interest that draws both you and your partner together. A sexless relationship or one that is void of sexual intimacy can be difficult to sustain. This is often one of the most challenging aspects of a long distance relationship.

Both emotional and physical intimacy are key components of every romantic relationship.

Effects of Lack of Intimacy in a Relationship

Oftentimes, one person in a relationship is more intimate than the other. Relationships like this can still work, provided there is adequate communication between both people. If one person feels like they’re not getting enough from their partner and they don’t speak up, this can cause issues down the line, making it all the more important to have an honest conversation if you feel like intimacy is causing relationship issues between you and your partner.

Communication Problems

The first issues you’re likely to encounter stemming from lack of intimacy in your relationship are communication problems. If you don’t feel like you can connect with your partner in a deep sense, you might stop going to them when you feel sad, deflated, or unhappy, or when you have a problem. This causes an emotional distance. Without good communication, all relationships struggle because negative feelings are not addressed.

Self-Esteem Issues

Where physical intimacy is lacking, this can cause self-esteem. If your partner shows no interest in you physically, you might feel like they’re not attracted to you anymore, and this can cause you to question yourself. You might be asking yourself what’s wrong with you, or what about you is the reason your partner doesn’t seem interested in sexual activity with you. This can lead to you feeling like you’re not good enough and can result in low self-esteem. Issues with self-confidence can begin to affect other areas of your life outside your relationship, including at work.

Feeling Lonely and Isolated

We all feel lonely from time to time, but if your relationship is lacking the intimacy, it once had, you may find lonely and isolated most of the time. If you feel lonely in a relationship, you might begin to question why you’re in one, or whether being with your partner is actually doing anything positive for you. Emotionally, it might feel like you have no one to talk to, and this can cause you to bottle up your feelings. This in itself can lead to mental health issues such as stress or depression.

Questioning the Relationship

When it feels like intimacy in a relationship is gone, it’s natural that you might be thinking about the future of your relationship. If you have no physical intimacy, what makes your partner different from a friend? If you lack emotional intimacy, what separates them from an acquaintance? When these questions start popping up, it will inevitably lead to you questioning your relationship as a whole. This is when separation or divorce can become real possibilities.

What Causes a Lack of Intimacy?

There are lots of reasons why you might be experiencing dwindling intimacy in your relationship, with stress being one of the big ones. Stress can come from any and all directions, including work or finances. It can be difficult to relax when you’re stressed, causing a decreased sex drive. From an emotional perspective, you might find that arguments are more frequent during times of high stress, pushing you away from one another and making it difficult to get along, causing one or both of you to pull back from communicating.

Another factor is schedules. If you both work and barely see each other, it can be difficult to keep that spark alive. The same goes for those who have child care commitments and don’t find much time for each other.
Personal issues are also a big cause of lack of intimacy. If you’re having self-esteem issues, this could cause you to pull back unintentionally simply because you’re not happy with yourself. Another aspect is mental health problems. If one person in the relationship is struggling with their mental health, this can have a knock on effect.

What to Do if You’re Experiencing Lack of Intimacy

If you feel like there’s a lack of intimacy in your relationship, this doesn’t mean the relationship is going to end. There are a number of things you can do to revive it, including:

Communication

When you feel like something isn’t quite right or like your partner isn’t meeting your needs, have an honest and open discussion with them about it. Make sure you’re communicating calmly and respectfully, and don’t criticise them or try to blame them. A good way to begin open and honest communication is to follow the formula: “When you do/don’t do X, I feel Y, because X”. For example, “when you ignore me, I feel upset because I feel disconnected from you”. There is no blame being placed when we speak this way, and therefore your partner is less likely to shut down or become defensive. This is much better than saying “You always ignore me, I can’t stand it anymore!” which will cause your partner to become defensive.

As mentioned, oftentimes people don’t always know they’re being distant, so gently raising the issue is the best way to go about it. You might feel vulnerable discussing underlying issues with intimacy, especially if you’re in a long-term relationship and haven’t had issues before, but know that it’s perfectly normal and something most couples deal with. If you don’t communicate honestly, it will wreak havoc further down the line.

Time

Another thing you can try is to make time for each other, even if you have children. Reserve one day a week or a couple of days a month to go out on a date and just enjoy each other’s company, working on maintaining that romantic connection. When you spend quality time with your partner, you are paving the way for more communication. You can also work on rebuilding your emotional intimacy and remembering why you’re with that person and all the things you love about them. A healthy marriage or relationship relies on making time for each other.

Counselling

If you’re still struggling, relationship counselling can help. At Focus Therapy, I can help you and your partner work through physical intimacy issues, as well as the emotional side. Many couples find talking to a therapist to be incredibly useful in helping their relationship survive.

To find out more about how I can help you, please visit www.focustherapy.co.uk or call 07940539586.